


The Obsession

by AHuevosAmigo



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Detailed descriptions of mental disorder, F/F, PTSD, Set after Part 2 ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24942901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AHuevosAmigo/pseuds/AHuevosAmigo
Summary: Ellie is afraid of letting Dina see her intense pain, if only she knew Dina wouldn't judge her.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 139





	The Obsession

**Author's Note:**

> As someone who has suffered from PTSD for over ten years, let me just say that it hurt to see Ellie have to go through the same thing.  
> This contains detailed descriptions of what I've been through, and god did it hurt to write this. Stay safe friends.

It’s late. That much is obvious. The brief excuse she gave Dina for some time to hunt is evidently just that. An excuse. She still tried. It’s been months since they first moved out to the small farm. Months into the pregnancy that sometimes seeped at all of Dina’s energy. Months left before they would be able to see the unborn child. 

Yet the ever present panic she held was something she suspected would last her entire lifetime. That night forever ingrained in her mind. Gripping the bow in her hands, she takes a calming breath. 

“I’m safe. I’m not there.” She whispers to herself. The heaviness of her tongue and the dryness in her mouth betray those calming thoughts. Almost as if saying  _ You are there. You aren’t safe.  _

The sun is ever so slowly falling over the horizon. Dina will get worried, hell she probably is already worried. Ellie had set off well before dusk, and as of yet she has found nothing to show off for her hunt. Releasing the death grip she has on her bow, she wills her hands to stop shaking. To stop the tightness not only in her chest but also in her stomach. 

Rising slowly she tuned her hearing, trying to hear the softest shift in the forest around her. With light quickly fading, visibility becomes something she cannot rely on. Making her way toward the farm house, back home, she listens. 

It isn’t until she’s less than a mile out that she hears the tell tale sound of a branch snapping. It comes from a few feet to her left and she quickly readies herself, glancing toward the noise she spots a rather small rabbit. Judging by not only the soft sound it made and the rather feeble stature, she’d assume that this rabbit is an adolescent. Hoping to at least nab something to explain the many hours she was out she shrugs. 

Realizing it's the best game she’s going to get she lines up her shot. The bow creaks uncharacteristically loud. Louder than she has ever remembered it doing. Focusing she pulls it’s string taut. She anticipates the small rabbits moves. The animal's tail twitches as if sensing its impending peril. Still it is moving ever so slightly, causing her to realign her shot. Her arms begin to shake as the unforgiving draw of the bow weighs heavily. The 30 pounds hold and they hold hard. 

Seeing a perfect second, she begins to let the arrow go. Only then realizing her mistake. The bow snaps so loud she almost doesn’t hear it. The sound ripples through the air. Yet her surroundings are rapidly changing, rapidly becoming familiar. Not those of the forest. Horribly familiar. The steps to the basement are no longer white, but drenched in blood. Crimson becoming the only color, she can see, the only thing she can process. 

The screams permeate the lone corridor. No matter how hard, or how fast she runs. The door remains elusive. She slips, the stairs ever unforgiving, ever drenched. Before she can hit the floor her eyes snap open.

The sun has completely set, the darkness giving way to the cold and bitter wind. A deep chill sets in her soul, nothing that the weather could have brought on. She begins to feel a familiar sharp pain in her chest that can only mean one thing. Stomach jumping, she quickly tries to regain her footing in a panic, but she stumbles back onto the ground. 

Bile rushes its way up and she falls hard onto the floor, chin shutting her mouth shut as it had opened in response to her stomach. She has just enough time to turn her head so she wont make a fucken mess on herself. Coughing to clear up whatever remains in her throat, she begins to rise to her feet. The bitter taste in her mouth temporarily overriding the pain deep within her, the deep ache that settles just beneath her skin. 

Grimacing she wipes her mouth, spitting the remnants of bile, the pain beneath her skin no longer wishes to be ignored. It demands its presence be known. As if the hot magma beneath her skin has suddenly cooled, turning into sharp ice. Gaining her footing, as if she’s a newborn fawn, is awkward. Ellie doesn’t know how much time has passed. 

Has it been mere minutes or has it been hours. She should go home before Dina suspects something is wrong, well at least suspects something is more wrong than it already is. Or worse, before Dina finds her looking like this. She lets her feet guide her toward the farm, toward home. The bitter taste is ever present in her mouth, winding down the path she finds the creek just by her home. She stops and takes a handful toward her mouth, the crisp taste washing away the bitter echoes of her stomach’s acid. For in truth, Ellie had not eaten enough to be able to consider what she had thrown up as food. 

She pats herself down looking for any traces that might have landed on herself, finding a small patch on her shirt she plunges a shaking hand into the freezing water again. Cupping as much as she can, it slowly dwindles as the water slips between her fingers. She rinses the small stain and hopes she didn’t miss a spot. 

Then slowly she gathers her breath and holds it until her heartbeat is the only thing she can hear. Releasing the breath she continues up to the gate, opening it silently. She hears nothing, not the crunch of the tall grass as she walks. Nor the creak of the wooden steps as she walks toward the door. Nothing. 

The door opens before she can reach it and as if her head had been submerged and had forcefully been pulled up, sound invades her senses. She hears Dina’s voice. 

“Ellie?” The cold magma’s ice doesn't melt. The tightness in her chest is ever present, yet she can still her hands. Her breathing can return to normal. For her. Always. 

Ellie notices the slight pain in her loves eyes, it lingers for half a second before it is gone. A half second too long. Dina pulls her to an embrace, the baby bump between them not letting them come completely together. Still, this brings a smile to Ellie’s face. She places her hands on the bump and laughs. 

“Sorry, a shitty day to go hunting. Found nothing. Probably means a storm is coming?” She ends her sentence with a question. One that Dina simply hums in an answer.

“You sure that’s all?” Dina asks after a beat. She should have known, Dina could tell something was wrong. A worried look comes onto Dina’s face, Ellie’s thoughts begin to scramble. No way she will be able to form a cohesive lie out, at least one that will be able to fool Dina. 

In the moment before she speaks, the look, the pain, it returns to Dina’s eye. Twice might be happenstance but it is entirely too much for Ellie. She brings Dina even closer, the beat of her heart hopefully not loud enough for Dina to hear. Dina closes her eyes as they begin to water. 

Panic begins to bloom within Ellie. 

“What’s wrong? What’s the matter?” She jumbles out, mind racing at the possibilities that could be plaguing her love. Dina laughs as she brings her hands up to wipe at her eyes. 

“Nothing, don’t worry.” She smiles and looks at Ellie. 

“He’s just moving around a lot. I think he missed you.” She continues as she lets out another wince as Ellie assumes that he has begun moving again. Dropping to a knee Ellie shushes the baby bump. 

“I missed you too.” She whispers to the baby, glancing back up to Dina she gets back up and hugs her close again.

“I missed you both.” She whispers to the crook of Dina’s neck. The torment lying beneath ever just below the surface of her skin. Demanding attention. Demanding to be heard. The cooled magma begins to heat. Never once calming, the raging storms bash the sea wall giving away to the dry heat in a never ending desert. 

“This helps.” She hears Dina whisper. 

“You help.” Dina continues after a beat. To which Ellie slowly begins to sway Dina to a nonexistent beat. Smiling softly at the girl in her arms, the violent ever present memories clash with her peaceful surroundings. Ellie begins to hum a melody from deep within her memories. One of the first songs that J...one of the first songs that he had ever taught her.

The wound as if violently struck, began to bleed again. Almost as if it had never stopped in the first place. She knew it hadn’t. 

Forever grateful that Dina could not see her face, she grimaces and holds back tears. Fucking praying for this to end. Frustrated at its presence. Hopeless at it’s demanding nature even in the presence of her balm. The only person to ever be close enough to her soul to begin to heal it. 

Oh how she would give anything, be anything, to live peacefully without this curse that was laid upon her that fateful night. Even thinking his name was a mistake. The magma burns, she begins to fear that it will burn her from the inside out. 

Dina pulls away slightly with a yawn at her lips, and Ellie can’t help but fall deeper in love with her. Dina says nothing, she doesn’t have to. The worry over Ellie’s tardiness temporarily gone. With Ellie now in front of her, Ellie hopes it is enough to satisfy Dina’s never ending curiosity. A fruitless endeavor really. 

Dina gives her a look, as she tilts her head toward their room. Ellie follows behind her, the waves of nausea still lap at her stomach. The input from her ears has suddenly changed from very little to overwhelmingly loud. Each step becomes miles apart from each other. Horror at the forefront of her mind as all she can now see is the damn steps that lead toward a bloodied door. Taking a second she stills. A second too long and Dina will notice, a second too early and this whole fucken facade will collapse. Ellie’s timing is fucking perfect. She continues up the steps, the vision vanishing. 

“Hold up a sec.” She calls out to Dina as she makes a detour to her work room to gather her guitar, knowing the perfect solution to Dina’s pain. Setting up a small chair up against her side of the bed as Dina sits in hers. Ellie clears her throat at the heaviness it's become, with the ever looming threat of bile still there. She hopes it’ll come off as dramatic to Dina. As if she is a performer at a large rally. 

Ellie steels herself and places her fingers at the right position, giving herself a moment of dramatic pause. The never ending heat of the blasting wind of the desert beneath her skin rages on. Not a reprieve in sight. The desert's looming threat holds nothing against the adoring look that Dina is giving her. In this moment the magma could return. Yet there is only one thing on her mind, the only thing that mattered was that smile. A smile she would risk everything for. Putting on a fake accent, Ellie begins to speak. 

“Now I want to dedicate this song to a little lady in my life.” She begins but is interrupted by Dina’s laughter.

“What was that?” Dina asks between laughs at Ellie’s terrible impression. 

“Excuse me.” The accent continues. “ There seems to be some of us in the crowd who don’t appreciate the King’s presence.” Ellie states staring directly at Dina as if in a challenge. The desert soon split beneath her chest. Red hot magma yet again emerging. 

_ FUCK  _ Ellie thinks,  _ Please stop.  _ She pleads her mind. As if on a broken film reel the moments leading up to his final breath flash in the background of her mind. As if they are playing in a different room. The threat ever so present. 

“The who?” Dina asks, the pain in her eyes no longer visible. 

“The King, Elvis Presley, himself at your service.” Ellie places a hand on her chest in mock greeting. In reality, it's to stop her chest from caving in. 

“Now if you’ll excuse me, As I was saying. I wanted to dedicate this song to a special.” She sends a wink Dina’s way. “ Little lady in my life. Who not only holds my entire heart in her hands but also my little boy.” She continues in the horrible accent but drops it as she prepares her hands. 

Knowing one wrong step and it all comes crashing in. Yet her love for Dina is unmoving, her will to put Dina in front of herself in every which way more powerful or ferocious than any storm within her could ever be. Yet she knows her exterior can only hold for so long. Even her composure has its limit. Ellie only hopes Dina will sleep before that limit is reached. 

She knows this isn't a particular song she’s ever played for Dina, and its ties to him might be too much but it’s worth it. It has to be worth it. 

“Well I've heard there was a secret chord

  
That David played and it pleased the Lord”

Immediately she knows this song was a mistake. Her mind continuously reminds her of him. Not of him full of love, but of him in nothing but pain. Her skin burns, her muscles ache to stop. It’s only the first verse. 

“But you don't really care for music, do you?

  
Well it goes like this

  
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift

  
The baffled king composing Hallelujah"

She pleads with the woman to stop. She can hear his painful breaths. Every nerve in her body stinging, aching, on fire, no the magma has returned. 

"Well your faith was strong but you needed proof

  
You saw her bathing on the roof

  
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya"

She closes her eyes at Dina’s smile, desperate to keep the violent images at bay. She thinks of Dina, of their first meeting. Of the dorky little girl she met when she had first arrived in Jackson. The haunting images still, and a smile lands on her face as she continues to find strength in memories of her love. 

“She tied you to her kitchen chair

  
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair

  
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah ”

Dina and her at that camp, where they first made those crowns. Ellie’s smile grows as she keeps her eyes closed. Memories of Dina and Jesse fill her mind. A beat, and then a stumble. Not in her memories but in real time, she misses a chord and instantly knows that Dina has taken notice. The bile rises as the picture changes from Jesse’s smile to the image of his corpse. She misses another note and laughs. 

“Sorry just a burp.” She tries to pass off and is thankful when Dina simply laughs. Wincing at the acidity in her throat she continues. 

"But baby I've been here before

I've seen this room and I've walked this floor

  
You know, I used to live alone before I knew ya

  
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch

And love is not a victory march

  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know

  
What's really going on below

  
But now you never show that to me do ya

  
But remember when I moved in you

  
And the holy dove was moving too

  
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah"

  
  


Abby is suddenly on top of her and her arm is snapped in slow motion, a fist appears and begins to beat her face in. Then the weight is off her and Dina gets shot. Moment for moment, never ending. All Ellie can see is the knife at her soulmates throat. The ever present sting beneath her skin is still red hot. 

_ God when the FUCK will this go away _ she thinks between verses. She opens her eyes to see Dina drifting to sleep.

"Maybe there's a God above

  
But all I've ever learned from love

  
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya

And it's not a cry that you hear at night

  
It's not somebody who's seen the light

  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah"

Ellie finishes as Dina lifts her head to beckon her to bed. The tightness of her stomach present, the beat of her rapid heart will give her away. The sweat on her brow will give her away, the shaking in her arms. Still she makes her way to her side, and Dina warms up to her quickly. As Dina is drifting to sleep, Ellie hears her murmur. 

“I think he liked it. He stopped as soon as you started singing.” In that single sentence the pain, the heat, the hurt, the images, they were all worth it. She promises to play for him more often and slowly strokes Dina’s hair. 

The pain beneath her skin demands attention, and she becomes lost in the fog of memories, the pain overcoming her. Locking her muscles as she's trapped in torment. On the outside she is still but the whirlwind of memories flash across her mind. She’s back at those stairs. Then stuck beneath those fuckers as J...as he suffers. Abby is on her and then Jesse is dead. Dina is next. Nothing stops. Never ends. 

Until she takes a steadying breath. The magma begins to cool, the waves bashing at the sea wall come less frequently. The blizzard slowing in its momentum. Her muscles ache from hours of being trapped. 

Hours she realizes, felt like mere minutes. Shuffling beneath Dina’s warming embrace. She pads her way to her workroom and grabs her journal. Grabbing a pen she finds her skin no longer burns at the contact. She lets a hopeful smile grace her face. The house is a cold quiet. 

She can hear the clock ticking away. The dark black sky showing traces of a lighter blue. The first minutes of dawn approach. Still she can see the stars in all of their beauty. Ellie begins to map out their constellations. Drawing their names from her knowledge of a book that Dina had gifted her. She labels them neatly along with today's date. She finishes in time to see dawn's first light. 

Flipping to a new page, she doesn’t notice the touch of the page on her hands. No memories flash in her mind. No cries, screams, her mind silent as she draws the surrounding landscapes bathed in beauty. 

Satisfied with her work, she closes the book. Taking a moment to look one last time at the sunrise, she stands and walks inside. Ellie gets set on making breakfast, no doubt in her mind that Dina will rise soon. Gathering the small meal on a plate, she pours her love a cup of the little juice they had left. 

Leaving the kitchen she heads up the stairs humming a soft tune, as she turns into the room she finds Dina rousing slowly. 

“Hey you.” The sleep is evident in her voice. To which Ellie smiles. 

“Hey, figured you’d be hungry.” She simply states as she slips into bed beside her. 

“Thank you.” Dina says as she takes the cup of juice to her mouth, after a sip she leans in for a small kiss. Dina fully sits up and begins to eat and in between bites asks. 

“How’d you sleep?” To which Ellie smiles.

“Like a baby.” 


End file.
